Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
