I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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