His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
