ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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