dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
