I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
