Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
