im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I look better un-naked...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
