Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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