Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
