you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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