Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
