Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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