Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
