i jhust puked up my retainher.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
