the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
