dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
