I wannas sexs uuuuu
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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