it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
