He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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