Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I will pee on everything he values.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
