i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
