i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
