I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
