sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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