Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
