Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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