There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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