I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
