We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
