I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
