Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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