I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
