Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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