That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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