The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
