My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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