Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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