You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
