I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
40s are totally the cure
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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