): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
