I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize