My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
