i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
