You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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