Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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