Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
