is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
