we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
