I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
