Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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