just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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