we have officially lost it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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