she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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