You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
