You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
