Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
