the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
