2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
where am i from again
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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