I heard we made out
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Randomize