Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
