She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
