I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
