so explain again why im purple
no
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
