Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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