you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is the high leading the old right now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
