Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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