Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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