Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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