YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
