using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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