is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
