Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
