i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize