for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
