thus making me awesome and them whores
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
