I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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