Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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