take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
