All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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