Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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