Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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