You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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