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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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