drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
pray to the hookup gods
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
