we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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