Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i dont even know how to be here
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
