Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
