Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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