My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
