Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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