Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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