oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
