he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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