I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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