shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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