why didn't you poke me back
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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