I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
