She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize