I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
