dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
