You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
