I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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