last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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