i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The beer is more important than you right now.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
