not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
