i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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