I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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