6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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