Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
