Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was born a porn star she said
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
