...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
