The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
