we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
