I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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