why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
