FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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